Thursday, September 03, 2009

How *not* to Treat a Library Book

Perhaps one of the most ignored social problems in America is wanton library book abuse. From what I have observed, this problem is not limited to isolated areas where people-just-don't-know-any-better. No, my friends, this is a national epidemic!

You scoff? You say that it's really not as bad as all that? Ah, but I have the proof! Behold, how not to treat a library book:

1. Completely Rend the Spine:

This is completely unacceptable! Wholesale destruction of a sturdy hardcover copy of Wodehouse is just -- well, unacceptable! My only hope is that this happened while the reader was laughing uncontrollably, and hence cannot be held accountable for the crime.

2. Paint Your Nails While Reading

Seriously, this is not rocket science... At least it's a pretty shade of pink, and sparkles a little in the light!

3. Dog Ear the Pages

This is also known as "Too-lazy-to-find-a-bookmark-or-even-a-tiny-scrap-of-paper-to-mark-the-page."

4. Squash the Cockroach That Landed on Your Library Book With Your New Shoe

I plead guilty to this last crime. Yes, almost immediately after deciding to do this post -- having already soundly berated the past readers of this poor book -- a pesky cockroach landed on the cover and was quickly dispatched with my shoe. *shudder* My defense? The book was not harmed in any way.

And that, my friends, graphically illustrates the need for a campaign against library book abuse! I suggest gathering a group of friends, making some posters (perhaps with catchy slogans like, "No More Dog Ears!"), and standing outside your local library. Then, and only then, will library books have a chance to receive the respect they deserve. *dramatic music*

~ Note: No books were harmed in the making of this presentation ~


  1. Oh no! Poor books! I remember checking out books at a library one time and a mom and little boy came in with a book that the boy had left out in the rain. There was a war of words going on between the mom and the librarian about her paying a fee for the damaged book.

    Dog-earing pages drive me crazy!! :-P

    Isn't it terrible when you lend a book to someone and when they give it back all the pages are falling out, or some terrible calamity like that??

    Though one thing I do that some might not approve of: I *do* write in and highlight my books... sometimes. Mainly devotional books. And never library books. :-)

  2. Ha ha - so funny and too true though! I love books and try to keep them nice and tidy. I hate lending them out to people because they always come back abused and tattered. *Sigh*

    Have a beautiful day!

  3. Haha! I love it! I plead guilty to treating books unacceptably, although not necessarily in these ways. Eating and reading at the same time is something I enjoy doing, but I occasionally make a mess. *is embarrassed* :D

    Have a very bright, very cheerful day!
    Miss Eyebright

  4. Heehee, you are so funny! But it's all true!

  5. I totally agree!!! Books must be treated with dignity and honor. :) After reading this, my little brother came home from school today and said that his school library had had to get rid of several books because they were completed demolished, and in some cases, completely unreadable. I was very upset. :(

  6. I most Totally agree!

    Library books are so mistreated! That's why I never donate...

  7. Oh no! What a great evil! We must protect those poor, helpless library books! THIS is what the President should be championing, not trivial issues like health care!




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