Pause

As my belly grows and our little fellow's gymnastics become more pronounced, it can be difficult not to get caught up in the seemingly-endless list of "Things Not Yet Done." Oh, how I want everything squared away and just-so, right now! I've never been good at waiting, though you'd think four babies would have honed my skills a bit.

So I am trying to take a pause -- there are projects I can tackle, but I don't need to worry myself about the ones I can't. It helps to walk into my living room and see this:

That's my childhood Beatrix Potter treasury, being read and loved by my daughter -- to know that she loves reading, and reading the same stories I loved at her age, is such a joy!

And a stroll through our garden (two rows of straw bales) helps when it's tempting to feel overwhelmed. There's always something new to notice there, something growing and changing. I can't wait to pull out the carrots that these fluffy tops belong to!

And there are so many clusters on our tomato plants! I love to peek under the leaves and check their progress, partly so I can enjoy the pungent smell of tomato plant on my fingertips. We had to stake them recently, because they were so large and heavily laden that they were sagging precariously. My container tomato plant last year produced two tiny Roma tomatoes (and that was a comparative success to most of my plant-growing endeavors!), so this unexpected abundance is quite heartening -- perhaps I've inherited my father and grandmother's green thumbs, after all? I suppose I should let the season play out before I become too confident!

The Littles somehow got into their heads that we needed to make strawberry jam, so we took advantage of a sale at the grocery store. You know you're a bit too thrifty when your children ask wistfully if such-and-such a fruit or veggie is on sale! We put a pound of strawberries in the food processor with a tablespoon of chia seeds, and blended them until the mixture was as smooth as it would get. Then into the fridge overnight, resulting in a delicious and fresh "spread" (it's not as thick as a jam). It's already been earmarked for our Sunday tea tomorrow afternoon, which means we'll be putting scones on the menu, as well!

And so, I pause. Before I go find something else to organize, paint, or purge...

To Stay

Well, after thinking for about 6 months that we would be moving to Guam, the Navy changed its mind! Those of you in the military know that such surprises are to be expected (hmm, an expected surprise? That sounds fishy...). It was a bit of a shock, since we were mentally geared up for a tropical adventure. However, now we'll be staying in Virginia for Pablo's next tour. And that, my friends, is something I am quite excited about!

The longer we live here, the more we love it. We'd even talked about coming back to this area in the future. And the reason we're staying (Guam is overflowing with pilots right now, which means Pablo would have gotten fewer flight hours -- and flight hours are *everything*) is good for Pablo, and good for our family. Part of me still regrets that we won't be snorkeling, eating fresh coconut crab, etc.

But really, I think all I miss is the "excitement" of the thing. It was a bit glamorous to think of moving to a tropical paradise in the middle of the Pacific. Really, though, I'm not a tropical island kind of girl, and would far prefer to go to Colonial Williamsburg than suffer through year-round humidity! The advantages of staying started piling up as soon as we found out -- 'cause really, moving three small children and all of our worldly goods half-way around the world is not an appealing idea. Oh passengers on the flights-we-would-have-taken, you have no idea the potential agony you have been spared! *wink* 

Staying here just makes everything easier. And the fact that we've already connected with an incredibly supportive community of friends through church, squadron, and friends-of-new-friends, makes it even better. There are so many things we would have missed on Guam (museums, fresh veggies, seasonal changes, etc.), even though we would have made the best of it. Plus, now I can knit my little heart out, because it will be cold here soon!

There has been so much uncertainty (relatively speaking) in our lives since Pablo joined the military almost three years ago. We've never been able to look more than few months (sometimes days!) ahead, and even some things we thought certain have changed. But really, I feel the Navy has not removed "certainty" from our lives, so much as the illusion of certainty. Pablo's old job seemed steady, predictable, safe. But Proverbs 16:9 says that "the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." If anything, our experience in the military has shown us in very obvious ways how dependent we are on God's sovereign plan each and every day. I, for one, am grateful for that revelation, because it's one I tend to forget!

So here we are, to stay.

For now, anyway!

Ecclesiastical Perspective -- Part 2

"He that loveth silver, shall not be satisfied with silver,

and he that loveth riches, shall be without the fruit thereof:

this also is vanity.

When goods increase, they are increased that eat them:

and what good cometh to the owners thereof,

but the beholding thereof with their eyes?

The sleep of him that travaileth, is sweet,

whether he eat little or much:

but the satiety of the rich will not suffer him to sleep."

~ Ecclesiastes 5:9-11 ~

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been mulling over the topic of contentment and the seasons of life for some time now -- particularly as it relates to jealousy and comparison, which are vices that I've struggled with throughout my life.

So far, I have only experienced a few of the many seasons of life. But even in those few seasons, I've realized how easy it is to become discontent with my situation -- and it has nothing to do with how much I am being blessed by God! In his grace, I've never gone hungry, never faced fear or want, never known a true physical need. In fact, He has given me far more than I could ask or think, and infinitely more than I deserve.

No, my discontentment rears its ugly head when I start comparing my current situation with the situations of those around me. No matter what stage of life I'm in, there will always be someone else who seems to be in a better stage; there will always be someone else who seems to be happier and more blessed than I am.


When you're single, others are courting.
Once you're courting, others are engaged.
Once you're engaged, others are married.
Once you're married, others are pregnant.
Once you're pregnant, others have young children.
Once you have young children, others have older children with fewer demands.
Once you have older children, others have grandchildren.


The list could go on and on, and there are hundreds of sub-categories that could be added -- perhaps not being able to have children at all when others have them in abundance, or never even getting married in the first place. Perhaps barely scraping by when others have pantries stocked with luxuries and designer wardrobes. Perhaps a husband who doesn't seem to really care about spiritual things when others have husbands who are spiritual leaders in the church.



The more I realized how much of my discontentment stemmed from comparison to others (i.e., jealousy), the more I realized that my whole system of comparison was entirely skewed! Why? Because when I compare my life in that way, I pick a few blessings from someone else's life that I want in my own. Essentially, I want to be blessed like Suzie in this area, like Mary in that area, and like Jane in another area. I don't covet their *entire* life, just the areas that I personally want.

For example (and all examples I use are entirely fictional, by the way), perhaps "Suzie" is a phenomenal seamstress. So I start to covet Suzie's skills, no longer being content with what God has given to me. But, Suzie has to work outside the home, has a husband who watches TV all evening, and has a fragile relationship with her family. God has put Suzie in a particular situation, which includes both blessings and challenges. If I only covet her blessings, I'm not looking at the whole picture. Essentially, if I could somehow have the chance to be Suzie in one area, I'd have to be Suzie in *every* area. And when it comes down to it, I really wouldn't want to trade being a stay-at-home wife, my loving and attentive husband, and a healthy relationship with my dear family, for all the sewing skills in the world. I don't really want to be Suzie, I'm just isolating and magnifying one of her blessings until it consumes my contentment and blinds me to the blessings I do have.


So for me, one key to minimizing discontentment is Realism. Very often, I look only at others' blessings, ignoring the challenges that they face. This means my focus is on what I don't have, rather than on the innumerable ways that God has blessed me. I have traded the supreme blessing of contentment for an unrealistic, dissatisfying obsession with how "blessed" other people are.

That friend who's engaged or married? Her situation seems so wonderful, but no relationship comes without its heartaches and difficulties.

That friend who has a houseful of young children? It's easy to fixate on the blessing of children, while being blind to the challenges that may accompany that blessing -- everything from exhaustion to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

That friend whose husband is a spiritual leader in the church? Perhaps his theological studies lead him to neglect his family.


Now, I'm not suggesting that every engaged/married couple is miserable, that every young mother is depressed, or that every church leader is secretly a wife-beater! But rather, no matter what it is that I covet in someone else's life, I would not miraculously find contentment if I could somehow attain it. Because attaining that blessing also means attaining a whole new set of challenges, and that would begin the whole cycle of comparison and jealousy all over again!



I love blogging and I love reading the blogs of other like-minded women; I have found it to be such an encouragement in my own life, not to mention an endless source of inspiration! But at the same time, it is very easy to grow discontent in the blog world -- it is much easier to see other people's lives through rose-colored glasses when you only see the parts of their lives that they post about. Personally, I desire to maintain privacy for myself and my family. This is the Internet, after all! So while I do try to be realistic about my life, those who read my blog will never know some of the challenges I face or the sins I struggle with. I have found myself thinking "Oh, it seems like they have such a wonderful life!" many-a-time while perusing my favorite blogs. But I need to realize that while I should be (and am!) happy for the wonderful blessings that my fellow bloggers enjoy, I should not idealize their lives or start comparing my own life to theirs.


Ultimately, no amount of realism can be a "cure" for discontentment -- there is no simple cure, no easy way out, because Contentment is a matter of the heart. But why make it harder on myself by building up unrealistic illusions about other people's lives?


I think of the Psalmist's word in Psalm 16:5-6

"The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup:

thou shalt maintain my lot.

The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places:

yea, I have a fair heritage."

I need to realize that God has blessed me richly in *every* area of my life, and that He has designed my life and my circumstances to bring glory to Himself and blessing to me. He has ordained certain challenges in my life, but I should not want to trade those challenges for any seeming "blessing," because those challenges are actually a blessing and a gift from Him!

I Timothy 6:6-10

"But godliness is great gain, if a man be content with that he hath.

For we brought nothing into the world,

and it is certain, that we can carry nothing out.

Therefore when we have food and raiment,

let us therewith be content.

For they that will be rich, fall into temptation and snares,

and into many foolish and noisome lusts,

which drown men in perdition and destruction.

For the desire of money is the root of all evil,

which while some lusted after, they erred from the faith,

and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

All of the blessings of this world are fleeting at best -- no book of the Bible makes that quite as clear as Ecclesiastes! So what if I'm not as wealthy as a friend down the street? I can be grateful that I don't have to face as much temptation in the area of wealth. So what if I don't have a house full of young children like a friend from church? I can be grateful that I have more time right now to invest in my marriage and my interests.

Hebrews 13:5

"Let your conversation be without covetousness,

and be content with those things that ye have,

for He hath said,

I will not fail thee, neither forsake thee."

Perhaps some of the blessings that my friends are enjoying now will come to me in time -- accompanied by their corresponding challenges. But if they don't, it will not be because God is somehow blessing my friends more than He is blessing me. I don't need to fret over how He divides up His blessings, because I can trust Him to provide for all of my needs. Yes, some seasons of life will be harder than others. And yes, by tomorrow I will need to be reminded yet again that I need to be content with what I have (actually, forget tomorrow -- I'll probably need a reminder in five minutes!). But God has promised not to fail me or forsake me, and that is a promise that I can rest content in.

You can find my theological disclaimer here.

Ecclesiastical Perspective -- Part 1

The third chapter of Ecclesiastes is perhaps one of my favorite chapters in the Bible:

"To all things there is an appointed time,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to die:

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.

A time to slay, and a time to heal:

a time to break down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh:

a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones:

a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embracing.

A time to seek, and a time to lose:

a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rent, and a time to sow:

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate:

a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh of the thing wherein he travaileth?

I have seen the travail that God hath given to the sons of men, to humble them thereby.

He hath made everything beautiful in His time:

also He hath set the world in their heart,

yet cannot man find out the work that God hath wrought

from the beginning even to the end.

I know that there is nothing good in them,

but to rejoice,

and to do good in his life.
And also that every man eateth and drinketh,

and seeth the Commodity of all his labor.

This is the gift of God.

I know that whatsoever God shall do, it shall be forever:

to it can no man add, and from it can none diminish:

for God hath done it, that they should fear before Him."

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 ~

What a marvelous picture of God's sovereignty! I find these words so comforting, because they reassure me (though I should need no reassurance) that God is in control of every molecule in the universe, and that His eternal plan *will* be worked out. No person on this planet can control his "destiny," or shift the eternal plan of God. "Whatsoever God shall do, it shall be forever."

I need to memorize these verses, to implant them on my brain -- it's so easy for me to become wrapped up in whatever stage of life I'm in, to forget that God has ordained many seasons in life. And that is the challenge, as I make my way down the balance beam of life. If I hold on too tightly to those enjoyable seasons, my heart begins to grow independent and I become unsuited for the seasons of trial that will come. On the other hand, if I view seasons of trial as endless cycles of pain and hopelessness, my heart begins to doubt God's love and my whole outlook becomes cynical. What I need to do, whatever season I am in, is serve God, work hard, and enjoy the fruits of my labor.



I am grateful for a God who plans the seasons of my life perfectly. Who picks me up every single time I fall off that balance beam. Who gently -- or sometimes sternly -- shows me that I know nothing of His master scheme for this world, that it's not all about me, and that what I need to do is simply trust Him and take the next step.

What if that next step is some important decision? Ecclesiastes lays it out very simply: Serve God, work hard, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. There is no need to fret over the decisions that lie before me, because the plan of God is fixed.

Ecclesiastes frees me from my own self-importance. It reminds me that I will *never* be able to fully understand God's plan for me and for the world. Certainly, I can catch a glimpse of it when I look back in history, and in my own life. But as the Holy Spirit puts it, "yet cannot man find out the work that God hath wrought from the beginning even to the end." He also says a few verses earlier that we are here on this earth to be humbled -- humbled by God's magnificent and unsearchable plans, humbled so that we will fear and worship our Creator.



We are here on this earth for only a short time, because this is not our final destination. So what do we do while we're here? Serve God, work hard, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. The Scriptures tell us that "This is the gift of God." God has given us freedom from fear, and the ability to enjoy His blessings.

It is God who controls my life and the world around me. And that is a supreme and comforting blessing, because that means there is hope. It is the God who brought the world into existence, and redeemed His people by sacrificing His own Son who is calling the shots. And it is that same God, Ecclesiastes says, that has "made everything beautiful in His time." In the meantime, all I am supposed to do is work and wait for the glorious unfolding of God's plan. Because it will be more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine.

All of this rambling, believe it or not, stems from some thoughts I've been mulling over for the past few months on contentment -- which I'll probably share in my next post!


You can find the second part of this post here: Ecclesiastical Perspective -- Part 2

You can find my theological disclaimer here.