The Accidentally Providential Cardigan

Last August, I bought some yarn to make a gift for what I thought might be my nephew (the baby's gender was a surprise, but I heard through the grapevine that a boy was suspected). I bought a gender neutral yarn, Berrocco Ultrawool Fine in colorway Driftwood, from a local yarn shop and cast on a wee cardigan. Well, turns out the nephew was a niece! But by that time, I was 99% done with the sweater and realized that the combination of yarn and pattern was definitely more masculine than gender neutral (I think a girl could wear it, but it didn't seem appropriate as a gift). The only steps left were sewing down the pockets, weaving in ends, and adding buttons. In other words, my least favorite steps in the construction process. So I stashed it away, and got to work on a more feminine project.

Fast forward a few months, and we finally had a rainbow baby on the way.

 

Fast forward a few more months, and we discovered that our rainbow baby is a boy.

And suddenly, I realized the sweater I'd made for my "nephew" was for my not-yet-existent son all along. This may seem like nothing more than a convenient coincidence, but knitting that sweater in the first place was not the easiest task to undertake, for reasons unrelated to pattern or yarn choice. Our own baby M was due just a week before our niece -- but instead of knitting for my longed-for rainbow baby, I was knitting for his or her cousin. It's not the first time, either; of my six nieces and nephews, four are just a few months, weeks, or even days younger/older than the babies we lost would have been. Five of our seven losses have happened while my sisters-in-law were pregnant; as any loss mama can tell you, rejoicing with others is often (perhaps inevitably?) mingled with wistful longing for what you've lost yourself. As grateful as I am for those dear children, they will always be reminders of my own little loves that didn't get to stay. It's been a challenging journey to cope with that realization, in addition to the already-heavy weight of grief. 

I'm grateful to be carrying a baby who will -- Lord willing -- be born almost exactly a year after baby M's due date. I was really knitting this wee sweater for Kit, the baby I could only dream of while I recovered from a surgery that I prayed would help us finally bring another baby earthside. That's why this simple sweater means so much to me now.

I'm realizing as I look at this photo that it buttons the "wrong way" for a boy --
but that's how the pattern is written, and surely a baby can get away with it?

Well, I didn't plan for this to be an "emotional" post, but here we are. Perhaps pregnancy hormones are getting the better of me! On to less sentimental details... 

I used Tin Can Knits' Playdate Cardigan pattern, which is generously sized from 0-3 mths through adult. 

I knit the 3-6 months size with smaller-than-called-for needles to suite my chosen yarn, and I'd say it's about a 3 months size. That should be perfect for Kit, who's due in early fall. I'd certainly knit this pattern again! it's been a long time since my older boys have had a mama-made sweater, and this would be a good candidate.

I tried wood and tortoiseshell buttons of various kinds, but they were all the wrong shade of brown or too plastic. So coconut shell buttons it was (a recent favorite of mine), sewn on "backwards." 

I still can't figure out if I managed to knit my pockets to different lengths, or if I blocked them poorly, but they're not quite the same depth! Somehow I doubt Kit will either notice or care, and it's not visible from the front unless you look very hard (which you now will, since I was foolish enough to point it out...). It was my first time doing pockets like this, and was rather fun.

I do much prefer raglan sleeves to pick-up ones -- I'd almost rather knit the sleeves separate and sew them in, to be honest. For some reason I usually have to do multiple pick-ups to get the counts right, and that becomes tiresome rather quickly. But I sorted it out and am happy with the result. Now they just need chubby little baby arms to fill them, but that project's still underway...