Tiniest Blessing

 It's hard to believe, but it's true -- our sweet rainbow baby made it earthside, and is safely in our arms! Praise God for His astounding grace! 

I did fill out the birth announcement! In retrospect, it would have been much easier to
take an "internet friendly" photo before filling it out, rather than editing it out later...

"Kit" is absolutely precious and perfect, and we all adore him. It's so sweet to see his older siblings loving on him; it's been so long since there's been a baby in the house.

The days leading up to his birth were hardly "peaceful" -- our water heater died suddenly, storms took out the power the next day, and there was a baby shower scheduled on his due date! Happily, he cooperated and I didn't go into labor until the power was back on and he had been properly celebrated. We did have to wait a few extra days for the hot water, but at least we had the ability to heat it manually again (thank goodness I wasn't interested in a water birth!).

Wrinkly newborn hands

I was unsure what to expect with this birth -- you'd think I'd be more confident at this point, but it had been 5 years since I'd done this, and this was our first home birth. Also, my last birth was only 1 1/2 hrs from start to finish. Talk about a hard act to follow! Anything over two or three hours would surely seem disappointing by comparison.

Some of the lovely blooms arranged for Kit's
shower by a dear lady from our church

I'd had some prodromal labor over the past few weeks, mostly just the odd contraction here or there. But then I woke up at 3:30am and couldn't figure out why my stomach hurt. As the fog cleared, I realized that I'd had a contraction, stronger than the prodromal labor. The contractions continued every ten minutes or so, but as I sat on my birth ball and tracked them on my app, I realized two things. One, I was quite tired and wanted to sleep more! And two, there was no real progression, and therefore no reason to wake my husband or the midwife. I went back to sleep, waking every 13 to 20 minutes to record my contractions. I finally got up around 8, feeling a bit more rested but also confused -- I'd never had labor that just didn't progress! After five hours of mild, erratic contractions, nothing seemed to be happening. But I had some bleeding and the contractions weren't stopping, so surely this was the real deal? I let my midwife know, and continued to track contractions while I did some last minute prep and house cleaning,

Itty bitty baby toes -- how can a toenail be that tiny?

By 11, I was frustrated -- not so much because labor was difficult or tiring (I wasn't even vocalizing during contractions because they were quite mild), but because it was already my second longest labor with no sign of progress! My midwife checked in, and when I told her what was happening (or rather, what wasn't happening), she suggested that I do ten inversions -- while Kit had been in the same favorable birth position since his 20 week anatomy scan (left occipital anterior), it was possible that his head wasn't engaging in my pelvis properly. Apparently the solution to this is to put your knees on the couch and your forearms on the floor...while you're having a contraction. Let's just say this was NOT my favorite activity! 

My midwife and I agreed that I would let her know when active labor started; after four births, we were both confident I would know when it was "time." 

As I started doing the inversions, my contractions immediately grew closer and more consistent: 6-7 minutes apart. Still not active labor, but at least some definite progress! But after five inversions, I was hit with my strongest contraction yet -- I was certainly vocalizing now. Another strong contraction followed 2-3 minutes later, and I texted my midwife to let her know: 

There are just two minutes between my last text and
my husband's "announcement" text! Forgive all the
typos, we were all in a bit of a rush...

My husband had just gotten our daughter, who wanted to be there for the birth. As soon as I texted that I was feeling "pushy," I had another contraction.  This one was incredibly intense, and my immediate thought was, "I don't want to do this anymore!" That should have been a clue -- hitting the notorious "wall" in labor is a sure sign that birth is imminent. But I usually feel the urge to push before it's actually time, so I didn't think much of it (I was more concerned about how many of these intense contractions I was going to have before the actual birth!).

 I was leaning on our dresser during that contraction, and suddenly realized that the amount of pressure I was feeling could only mean one thing. I reached down and felt Kit's head, and I don't even remember pushing again as I caught the rest of him in my hands! He started crying straight away, and I held him to my chest while my husband helped me to the bed (which we'd fortunately prepared several hours earlier). My husband texted the midwife "he's here," so she called us and stayed on the phone while she drove to our house. Kit and I settled in for some skin-to-skin, and were snuggled up together when she arrived. So much for knowing when to call the midwife! Though, in my defense, I only had 4-6 minutes of what I'd call "active" labor. 

I was sure this thrifted Gap "wrap" top would be perfect for 
skin-to-skin, and it is! I love snuggling with this tiny fellow.

Birthing the placenta proved a bit trickier, as my contractions stopped altogether as soon as Kit came out. I got a dose of Angelica and then Blue & Black Cohosh before it cooperated. But I had barely any blood loss (not even a cup, according to the midwife), and felt great the entire time. 

Technically, Kit was born en caul, because my water broke after/while he emerged -- I've always hoped this would happen, and thought it might be possible since my waters have never broken on their own (with my first four births, my doctor/midwife ruptured the sac immediately prior to birth). But Kit's sac broke as I caught him, so I didn't get to "see" it; I've watched some insane videos of babies born entirely en caul, where they're basically still "in the womb" on the outside! It's exceedingly rare, though.

I'm terrible about actually taking time to recover post-birth,
but I'm doing my best to rest this time.

One thing I found odd was how clean Kit was after birth -- he wasn't goopy or messy at all! After we'd had a good, long snuggle, he had his exam. My initial guess was that he was less than 7 pounds, and he weighed in at barely over 7 pounds. It may seem strange, but this was an answer to...well, not so much a prayer as a hope. Scout was a whisper over 11 pounds at birth (a nurse at his birth had to go exchange the newborn diaper she had ready for a size 1! *wink*). While I would be overjoyed to welcome another baby of any size to our family, I really do love the tiny newborn phase. With Scout, I felt like I had birthed a toddler! My midwives had assured me that Kit was not a big baby, but I wouldn't have dared hope that he'd be our smallest yet. Especially since he "cooked" about two weeks longer than his three oldest siblings, who averaged 7 1/2 pounds.  Even newborn clothes seem generously sized, and he curls up into such a sweet little bundle. I'm savoring this phase...and ordering a few newborn diapers. 

They fit! I can't describe how wonderful it is to finally 
have two tiny feet inside these little booties.

I'm grateful that we planned a home birth -- not only would I have not even made it to the car under the circumstances, but without my midwife's knowledge of labor positions, who knows how long my labor would have lasted (perhaps even ending in an unnecessary C-section). As it turns out, our home birth was even better than I could have imagined! Our littles were able to meet their newest sibling right away, and no one had to wear a mask -- two things that would not be possible with current hospital regulations. I also felt far more rested than usual. No one took my baby away for exams, and there was no need to pack up and get in the car for the drive home. Perhaps best of all, we weren't rushing to the hospital; I've gone through transition during the ride to the hospital twice, and I wouldn't be disappointed to never repeat that experience! Admittedly, I was blessed with a birth easier than I would have dared ask for -- another gift that I do not take for granted. Bringing our rainbow baby into the world in such a peaceful (but exciting!) way was better than I could have dreamed. 

I'm trying to soak up every fleeting moment of this newborn phase. Kit is changing so much already, and I don't want to miss a thing! Happily, nursing has gone well despite a mild lip and tongue tie (and my body's confident belief in the first week or so that we're feeding ten babies! Haha...). In spite of ending up in the hospital for observation this week -- the longest 24 hours of my life , even though it was just a precaution -- Kit is thriving, and has been such a joy and delight. We're all hopelessly besotted.

Welcome to the world, little Kit!

UnExpectations

As I transitioned into motherhood, there were a lot of things that I didn't expect -- blessings that left me speechless with gratitude.


I didn't expect to have a pregnancy free of complications.

I didn't expect to have a straightforward, relatively easy birth.

I didn't expect to have a healthy, beautiful son (beautiful in our eyes, anyway!).


It's not that I expected a horrible pregnancy and a sickly child -- but I didn't want to assume that everything would be easy, and I was determined to give all of those expectations to God. I wanted a natural birth so badly, but in a hospital with a C-section rate nearing 40%, I knew there was a possibility that everything wouldn't be "perfect." But whatever happened would be God's will, so I stopped praying for the birth I wanted, and asked instead for grace and contentment no matter what happened. And it happened as I had hoped; only a few details were different than my "ideal," and I can look back with joy and gratitude on the whole experience.



But what I didn't realize was that I did have expectations that I hadn't given to the Lord.


I expected nursing to go well -- not perfectly, but well.

I expected a leisurely two weeks of resting and enjoying our newborn.

I expected to give away the sample can of formula that the hospital gave us.

I had read and researched, and I knew how nursing was supposed to be -- I knew it didn't just come "naturally" (at least for most people), but I thought I was ready to handle any troubleshooting. When I saw our little man's tongue a few hours after birth, I suspected tongue-tie. Not having had the opportunity to examine many infant tongues, though, I thought I was probably wrong. I wasn't. The pain was horrible, and the tongue-tie also prevented our little man from feeding well and getting the nutrition he needed.

And then, on the day we were discharged, little man's bilirubin levels were a touch high. Jaundice makes infants extra sleepy, which certainly hadn't helped with nursing. So after our discharge from the hospital, we had three consecutive days of early morning blood tests and doctor's visits. There went my peaceful time of rest following the birth! And when the levels didn't go down after two days (and nursing consisted of a screaming, arch-backed infant and a very frustrated mother), I listened to our pediatrician and opened that can of formula.

I had been so ready to give up my pregnancy and birth to the Lord, but I didn't realize that I was holding back so much! I was frustrated, emotional, and exhausted. I was terrified that supplementing would ruin all chances of nursing, which was something I was dedicated to doing. Nothing seemed to be going right (because it wasn't going my way).

But little by little, by God's grace and with a great deal of help and perspective from my husband, I began to drop my expectations and see God's hand in our situation. That "evil" formula got rid of the jaundice in no time flat, which meant we didn't need more serious treatment. The nursing gradually improved, and he's been off formula completely for several weeks. And while the tongue-tie can't be fixed until he's two months old, he's healthy and I'm in a lot less pain.



And now, at last, I'm grateful. Grateful that I found out about tongue-tie "by chance" on a blog I don't normally read. Grateful that formula gave us the chance to get back on our feet. Grateful that he can nurse in spite of that faulty frenulum. Grateful that God didn't give me everything I expected, forcing me to seek Him rather than rely on myself.

I wish I had trusted Him from the beginning, rather than trying to rely on my feeble (read "nonexistent") resources. Our challenges certainly aren't over, and every aspect of learning about this new little person is bewildering. But I have to remind myself that when God sends challenges, He also grants the grace to deal with them -- and that grace is sufficient for me!

In Love

I'm in love for the second time in my life.


In love with precious little feet.

And a sweet rosy mouth.

And fuzzy little baby ears.

And tiny hands (with Daddy's fingernails!).

And precious sleepy eyes.

Oh yes, I'm in love!


Little did we think that our precious one -- who was due to arrive on Christmas Eve (and that was ten days earlier than his original due date) -- would surprise us by arriving over a week "early." So little did we think this, we were convinced that the first six or seven hours of labor were just Braxton Hicks.

I am so grateful to God for a safe, healthy, and natural delivery -- only two and a half hours of labor in the hospital, the other 9-or-so hours at home. I had hoped and prayed for a natural, drug-free birth, but I knew that whatever happened would be God's plan. I am so grateful that He granted me that desire! Thanks to my indescribably wonderful husband, relaxed OB, and a handful of fabulous labor and delivery nurses, the whole experience was such a blessing. And at the end of it, we were handed a 7 lb. 4 oz. bundle of wonder and joy.

So here we are, safely home, enjoying our firstborn son and trying to catch up on sleep!

God is so good.